Ice Cream For Breakfast

Recently a friend passed away. I didn't know him, I didn't know anyone he knew, not really. I had never met him or any of his friends. I had never spoken to him, directly or indirectly. But I considered him a friend. Why? Because he, his wife and family, and those who really knew him were so incredibly amazing that they all made me feel I knew him.

Bruce Rosenberg, husband to Julie, father to Ella and Lulu, was an amazing man. When he was diagnosed with cancer last year he quickly realized how short life could be. So what is the most important thing you can do when you realize this? You do things that you would never do otherwise because you just don't. No one eats ice cream for breakfast! That's a dessert for after dinner, sometimes lunch. It's a special afternoons snack. It's NOT breakfast. Bruce asked us why not?? Ice cream is good! Why not start your day with eating something as tasty as ice cream? Because you only live once, and the life you live is short.

So I hope you all join me for Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, March 21st. Come join our group on Facebook: Ice Cream for Breakfast Day.

Backseat Parenting

Backseat Parenting.  You know how irritating backseat drivers are? "This is a 30 mph zone". "You should go around this guy". "I generally go THAT way".

Backseat parenting is the same idea.  You have one parent dealing with the situation.  That parent is trying to get the kids dressed or to do their homework or to eat their breakfast with out killing each other.  The backseat parent is making comments from the couch... where they can't even see what's going on.

The backseat parent is saying "sit down and eat your breakfast" about 3 minutes after you said "sit down and eat your breakfast" and they did.  The backseat parent says "brush your teeth" 30 seconds after your child comes up to you to have you smell his minty breath.

I get it. Sometimes one parent is really tired and just needs to veg on the couch.  And that's fine. I've been that parent. A few times.  But when you choose to be that parent, then stay the hell out of the parenting.  You're making situations worse and frustrating the other parent who is probably already frustrated enough.

Instead, listen to what your partner is saying. When your partner is getting frustrated, then maybe it's time to get off the couch, computer, book, etc.  Make sure you're not repeating what's already been repeated 100 times.  Make sure you're not stepping in and stepping on toes.  Assess the situation. Don't take over.

I've been the backseat parent.  But lately I've been the driver and I'm about to smack that parent in the back upside his head.  So now I know what it's like.  Let's everyone take a little lesson from this, hmm?

Why I Drink

Why I drink

In high school and college I drank because that’s what you’re supposed to do on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night. And sometimes Wednesday. Or Tuesday. Maybe Monday.  Anyway, everyone else was, it was a blast to get drunk and puke in a random parking lot.  Or a strangers bathroom floor.

Then that kind of wore off.  I would still drink socially, but only a couple glasses of wine.  I drank because it gave me a reason to let go and giggle with the girls, enjoy that feeling of slightly floating.  I didn’t have any desire to reproduce the glory days of college.  At least not on a nightly basis.

As time went by I got married and had children.  Right there are three reasons I drink.  I love my children. They are smart, loving, fun to be around.  But they talk. A lot. Non. Stop.  And they don’t take “uh-huh” for an answer.  In fact, one of my son’s first sentences was “no say ‘uh-huh’ mommy!”

The husband doesn’t talk much. Unless it’s telling the kids what do to and how to do it. And when. Not why. My daughter usually complies.  Every once in a while we have a whopper of a tantrum, but not that often.  My son, however, is much more like his father.  He fights his dad every step of the way.  It’s a constant power struggle.  Husband tells Son to do something. Son says he will after he does something else.  I don’t freaking care which one Son does first, but Husband insists Son does one before the other. And then they argue and fight and Son is left in tears with me mopping up the mess.

I won’t step in to assist the husband because I don’t think he’s in the right. But if I step in to help the son, I’m invalidating the husband’s authority.

So I drink. And deal with the husband telling me that’s why I can’t lose weight. 

So I think I’ll have another drink.

Go Green!

Whether you believe in global warming or not, we can all agree that we, as a country – as a planet – create too much waste.  There are a lot of ideas you can use to go greener.  You might already be doing some of them.  Some of you may even be doing more than what is listed here.

Here are some easy ways to go green:

• Turn the lights off when you leave a room
• Cloth diaper and use cloth baby wipes
• breastfeed
• recycle plastic bags at the grocery store
• use your own cloth bags when shopping
• Set your thermostat a few degrees lower in the winter and a few degrees higher in the summer to save on heating and cooling costs.
• Install compact fluorescent light bulbs (CFLs) when your older incandescent bulbs burn out.
• Unplug appliances when you're not using them.
• Wash clothes in cold water whenever possible. As much as 85 percent of the energy used to machine-wash clothes goes to heating the water.
• Use a drying rack or clothesline to save the energy otherwise used during machine drying. If you must use a dryer, consider adding dryer balls to cut drying time.  And be sure to keep your lint trap clear of lint.
• Take shorter showers to reduce water use. This will lower your water and heating bills too.
• Install a low-flow showerhead. They don't cost much, and the water and energy savings can quickly pay back your investment.
• Make sure you have a faucet aerator on each faucet. These inexpensive appliances conserve heat and water, while keeping water pressure high.
• Plant drought-tolerant native plants in your garden. Many plants need minimal watering. Find out which occur naturally in your area.
• Walk or bike to work. This saves on gas and parking costs while improving your cardiovascular health and reducing your risk of obesity.
• Consider telecommuting if you live far from your work. Or move closer. Even if this means paying more rent, it could save you money in the long term.
• We have great tasting water here in San Mateo, so skip the bottles.  Use a water filter to purify tap water if you’re afraid there might be impurities in the water.  Not only is bottled water expensive, but it generates large amounts of container waste.  Plus, bottled water is not regulated like tap water.  It is just as likely, or more likely, to have impurities in bottled water.
• Bring a reusable aluminum water bottle (like Sigg or Kleen Kanteen) with you when traveling or at work.  
• Go online to find new or gently used secondhand products. Whether you've just moved or are looking to redecorate, consider a service like Craigslist or Freecycle to track down furniture, appliances, and other items cheaply or for free.
• Borrow from libraries instead of buying personal books and movies. This saves money, not to mention the ink and paper that goes into printing new books.
• Share power tools and other appliances. Get to know your neighbors while cutting down on the number of things cluttering your closet or garage.
• Buy in bulk. Purchasing food from bulk bins can save money and packaging.
• Wear clothes that don't need to be dry-cleaned. This saves money and cuts down on toxic chemical use.
• Invest in high-quality, long-lasting products. You might pay more now, but you'll be happy when you don't have to replace items as frequently (and this means less waste!). Keep your cell phones, computers, and other electronics as long as possible.
• Donate or recycle your electronics responsibly when the time comes. E-waste contains mercury and other toxics and is a growing environmental problem.
• Get your clothes clean without all of the pollution by switching to eco-friendlier cleaners.
• Stop the junk mail.  Call the companies to have your name removed from their mailing list.
• Run full dishwasher loads.
• Don't bother preheating your oven if you are broiling, roasting or baking a dish that will cook for an hour or more.
• Use the right-size pot on your burners. 
• Turn off the tap while you brush your teeth. 
• Pack a waste-free lunch.
• Buy fresh instead of canned foods
• Avoid polystyrene containers.
• Get your bank statement electronically (and other statements)
• Use commercial car washes.  Getting your car washed at a commercial car wash is better for the environment than doing it yourself. Commercial car washes not only use significantly less water per wash -- up to 100 gallons less -- but they often recycle and reuse the rinse water.
• Check air conditioning filters monthly to either clean or replace them.
• Use recycled paper.
• Use refillable pens.
• Use rechargeable batteries.
• Use digital cameras.
• Direct-deposit your pay.
• Reuse hotel linens and towels.  You probably don't change your sheets and towels every day at home, so why do it while you're away?
• Next time you replace your holiday lights, save both money and energy by choosing LED types.
• Go for glass.  The energy required to produce a single 12-ounce aluminum can from virgin ore is enough to produce nearly two 12-ounce glass bottles.
• Replace single-pane windows with double-pane ones to reduce heat loss in winter and heat gain in the summer.

Want to go greener?

• If you eat meat, add one meatless meal a week. Meat costs a lot at the store-and it's even more expensive when you consider the related environmental and health costs.
• Buy locally raised, humane, and organic meat, eggs, and dairy whenever you can. Purchasing from local farmers keeps money in the local economy.
• grow your own veggies
• Set up a compost bin.
• Reuse your water.  Catch rain water to water your garden with later.  Put a bucket in your shower to catch water.  Use that water to flush your toilet.  If you pour water quickly into the basin the toilet automatically flushes.

• Send e-cards
• When you buy deodorant, try to avoid antiperspirants, which use aluminum salts to seal up your pores. In addition to being a potential health toxin, aluminum takes a tremendous amount of energy to mine. 
• Donate your old vehicle to an environmental cause.
• Plant trees.
• Buy a hybrid vehicle.
• Stop using chemicals on your lawn and in your garden.
• Yuban coffee is Rainforest Alliance Certified (that means it's grown in a way that preserves the ecosystem). A Fair Trade Certified brand is Green Mountain Coffee Roasters.
• Buy a laptop.  It uses considerably less power than a desktop computer.
• Mow the lawn with a push mower instead of gas mower

Want to go greener still?

• Use solar-powered chargers.  Energy stored from exposure to sunlight can recharge an average phone, MP3 player, digital camera or PDA once or twice.
• put solar panels on your roof
• Baking soda not only removes those strange smells coming from your fridge, it’s also a great odor-eliminator for your carpet. Just sprinkle on a little baking soda to soak up some of those odors and then vacuum it up.
• Skip the store-bought air fresheners and instead try boiling cinnamon, cloves, or any other herbs you have a fondness for.
• When replacing your cleaning products, don’t just throw the old ones in the trash. If they’re too toxic for your home, they won’t be good for the drain or the landfill either. Many communities hold toxics & electronics recycling days and will take all of these off your hands.  If you use a cleaning service go with a green cleaning service
• Wash your hands with soap and water.  The antibacterial and antimicrobial ‘cleaners’ that many people think are necessary don’t clean hands better than soap and water, and also add to the risk of breeding “super germs,” bacteria that survive the chemical onslaught and have resistant offspring.
• Create your own cleaning solutions made from products you have around the house.  Vinegar works well, as does baking soda.
• Consider replacing your carpets with wood, linoleum or other non-carpet flooring. This will reduce the toxic cleaners needed for rugs as vinegar and water works great for cleaning non-carpet floors.
• Paper towels and other disposable, single-use cleaning things can be replaced with reusable cloths and mircrofiber wipes. Clean them in the dishwasher or washing machine. Also, when it comes to buying sponges, natural ones are biodegradable and can break down or be composted when their useful life is through. But make certain that the natural sponges you buy come from a "sponge farm" and not from a natural ecosystem.

Are you brave enough to go even greener?

• Buy reusable menstral products, like the Diva Cup and “mama” cloth. 
• Use cloth toilet paper.
• Use reusable gold or hemp coffee filters instead of paper filters or make filterless coffee with a french press.
• Use car roof racks on an "as needed" basis. Their constant use increases wind resistance which increases fuel consumption. If you can transport items inside your vehicle, do that instead.
• Donate empty egg cartons to a local egg producer. Sometimes you can make the donation through the store you bought the eggs from.
• make your own yogurt
• use an on-demand hot water heater
• use vinegar on weeds instead of round-up

• Here’s what I do

1.      cloth wet wipes – you know all those thin receiving blankets you have lying in a drawer somewhere getting no use?  Cut them up into squares and use them as toilet paper.  If you want them wet, mix up some liquid soap, scented oil and water and soak the wipes in that.  You can do the same thing for baby wipes.

2.      cloth diaper – I wash my own but you can use a service as well (Tinytots)

3.      recycle bags at the grocery store – All grocery stores have bins now for recycled bags.  Any plastic bag can go in there, not just grocery bags

4.      wash and reuse Ziplocs – they last several uses this way.  Eventually they will rip or get a hole, but you’ll get at least a couple uses out of an item made for one use.

5.      buy reusable snack and sandwich bags (like happy-sacks) – they come in cute prints and are machine washable

6.      Diva cup – this is not as scary as it sounds.  It’s a silicone cup that sits up in the vagina and catches everything during menstruation.  You only have to empty it twice a day.

7.      mama cloth – these are cloth menstrual pads.  Just wash them with your regular laundry

8.      compost – we got a composter from Nature Mills.  It’s electric and uses about the same amount of electricity as a night light does.  All our organic waste goes in there instead of garbage disposal or land fill.  And after a couple weeks we have soil for our plants.

Switching to a greener way of life can take time and won’t come super easy, especially with the kids.  For our kids under 2 years old, switching will be as easy for them.  They probably won’t notice know the difference.  But for the older kids it can take some time and some training. 

Let’s take cloth TP for example.  For a child who is in the middle of potty learning, switching to cloth TP will only result in your cloth TP getting accidentally flushed down the toilet.  Wait until they’re older, maybe 5, to teach them how to use the cloth TP and where to put it after they’ve used it.

For other things, start slowly.  Get used to one change at a time.  Lot’s of change can be overwhelming to anyone.

You’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again.  We only have one planet.  Who knows, maybe someday we’ll be living on Mars, but for now, this is all we’ve got.  And on this one little planet, there is only so much oil, so many metals, so much… everything.  If we all do our part we’ll make our natural resources last longer for our children, our children’s children and hopefully many generations to come.

Oh No She Di’n’t!

Oh yes I did! I’m going to talk about people who choose to not breastfeed “just because”. Remember that part of my introduction that says I have strong opinions and if you don’t like them you don’t have to read my blog? Well, this post might just put that to the test.

There are women who, for one reason or another, can’t breastfeed. Some have low supply, some have been given poor information and/or advice and a very (VERY) few are incapable of making milk.

To these women, I say “good job in trying!” You put that baby to your breast and it just didn’t work out right. Make a mental note and try to fix it for the next time. And remember to ask for help from those who know what they’re talking about (*waves*).

Now. I’m going to address those who CHOSE to not breastfeed. They chose this for varying reasons, some of which are: formula is just as good (or maybe even better) than breastmilk; human’s have evolved past the point of needing to nurse their young; breastfeeding is disgusting; breasts are sexual, not for feeding babies.

First of all, we are mammals. There’s no getting around that. We are warm blooded, have live births and NURSE OUR YOUNG. That’s what our breasts are made for.

Second, there is NO WAY a laboratory can recreate what the human body does to perfection. Yes, science has come a long, long way. We are doing and making amazing things. We can transplant organs from one human to another and live normal lives. We can even transplant organs from other animals. We can create nourishment for infants that will keep them alive and growing.

HOWEVER, there is no way we can create something identical to the real thing. Formula was a marvelous invention. Infants whose mothers had died or infants who were abandoned and there was no lactating woman around were now able to be fed something to keep them alive. And it was much easier on their tummies than straight goat’s milk or cow’s milk.

Breastmilk is THE PERFECT FOOD. It has the exact amount of everything a baby needs to not only survive, but thrive. It has antibodies, vitamins, minerals and a whole slew of nutrients that make babies grow. The colostrum (the first milk, before the real stuff comes in) lines the baby’s gut to get the body ready for the breastmilk.

Take a look at this:

Formula just doesn’t stack up, does it?

How can someone choose to deny their child all that breastmilk gives? How can someone choose to give their child the breastmilk of another mammal? Would you expect a mother to nurse a baby cow? No? Then why are people letting their children have cow’s breastmilk? Doesn’t make sense, does it?

In my world (the world according to me ;)) formula would be hard to get.  It might even be via prescription.  Or at least behind the counter of the drug store like some cold medicines are.  All hospitals would have Lactation Consultants, not nurses who may (or may not) have gotten a crash course on nursing.

Are you a bad parent if you chose to formula feed? No, but perhaps a neglectful one.

Remember.

http://www.mama-is.com/remember/

I miss nursing so much. My son weaned around 3 years old (and still asks at nearly 4, but there's nothing there). When I was nursing him after age two I was ready to be done. I had decided to let him wean himself and those last couple months were pretty long. I was just done. But now I'm not. Not that I want to get him to nurse again at age 4, but I miss our time together. I miss holding him (or more likely fly-by nursings).

Ironically, I have this double standard with myself. I loved that only *I* could give him that, however he wants only *me* to do everything else for him ("No! Mommy do it!"). But I want that time back.  It's one of the biggest factors in wanting another baby.  I can't imagine never having a baby to nurse again.

So, those of you nursing babies (or kids) savor the moments.  And those of you who are so done you're ready to quit, remember this is just a short time in your life, and such an important time in theirs.

The Spitty Baby: how to deal with a baby who spits up – a lot

Does your baby spit up a lot? I mean A LOT? The kind of spitting up that gets all over your baby, you and whatever is within a 3 foot radius? Do you have to change your baby’s clothes several times a day? Do you have to change YOUR clothes several times a day? I did, and I’m here to tell you how to get through it.

Both of my babies were major spitters. My daughter spit up 30 times a day, easily. She was mostly breastfed, but I supplemented her with formula when I felt like she was spitting up more than I could produce. I used that thick formula that is supposed to help with spitting up. The spit up only came up thicker. We even started solids early, at 4 months, in hopes that would help. Nope, then it came up in Technicolor. I have a great picture of her in mid-spit. My husband just happened to click the camera at just the right time and there’s a freeze framed mini-waterfall of spit up running out of her mouth. And she’s oblivious. The very next shot is of me wiping her chest and face with an annoyed look on my face. That pretty much sums up our spitting experience.

First the disclaimer: gastric reflux is common in babies. Sometimes it is more of a nuisance then anything else, but sometimes it could be very painful for the baby. If your baby spits up a lot and cries when it happens, be sure to contact your pediatrician.

Spitting up is unavoidable. If your baby is a spitter, there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Even gastric reflux medication won’t stop it, it will just ease the pain. So, here are some things that helped me, and hopefully they will help you.

• 1) Breastmilk spit up stinks less. It’s true. So does breastmilk poop. And breastmilk spit up stains a lot less. Formula will not change how much your baby spits up. Your baby spits up because your baby spits up.
• 2) Baby spit up has a unique smell. It’s sour milk, but different than what you might smell from that milk container that’s been in your fridge for too long. All moms know that smell and are accustomed to it. Don’t be embarrassed if you smell like spit up, or if your baby does.
• 3) Burp rags. Make sure you get burp rags that are very absorbent. Some good ideas are cloth diapers and terry cloth rags. You can also use some of those soft cotton receiving blankets.
• 4) Clean baby clothes. If your baby spits up as much as mine did, then it’s not very realistic to change their clothes every single time they get spitty. However, having a clean shirt available to put on the baby once or twice a day will help keep the “ick” factor down. This is especially important when you’re out and about.
• 5) Clean clothes for you. You’re going to get spit up on you. Carry around an extra T shirt so you can change if you need to.
• 6) Some people are just grossed out by spit up. Show them it’s normal and natural by handling it. When baby spits up, take it in stride. Shrug your shoulders and silently gripe about it. What bothered me the most when other people were looking at or holding my children is that they would freak out and act like my baby just spit up corrosive acid. It made me feel bad. When they saw that I wasn’t bothered by it, they didn’t react so harshly.
• 7) This too shall pass. Both my kids were pretty spitty for the first six months, then they started to settle down. The spit up was gone by about nine months. Nine months seems like a long time when you’re living day to day, but soon you’ll look back and think “wow, it’s been nine months already?”

The bottom line is your baby spits up. Don’t let it keep you at home because you don’t want to deal with spit up out in public. Don’t get upset by it. There’s nothing you can do but gather what you learn, pick up some new hints and pass it on. Enjoy that baby, spit up and all.