Tomorrow is the day. I’m to report to the hospital at 9:30 . Probably means my actual surgery will be
closer to noon . I’m trying very hard not to think about it
because when I do I freak out a bit.
I have this inner voice that can’t possibly believe I can
ever be thin. She likes to remind me
about all my failed attempts to lose weight in the past. She likes to tell me
to not get my hopes up because I might lose weight, but before I know it I’ll
gain back all the weight and then some, just like before.
That bitch needs to shut her fucking mouth. Because you know
what? I WILL be successful this time! I am being given a tool that will make
this attempt successful. Unlike other diets where I’ll eat good for a couple
days, then fall off the wagon and say “screw it! I just can’t do this”, I will
not be able to not eat well. I will be
physically incapable of gorging myself. There
is no way to NOT lose weight. And once I
get to my goal weight I will have been trained to eat well. There’s no going
back. The fat me will not exist anymore.
So, where ever you are tomorrow around noon pacific, send a little thought out for me. And a
little bitch slap to that inner voice.
I had one of those little voices. She told me in January of 2010 that I shouldn't even bother to join a Get Fit Challenge to which I'd been invited, because I would never be fit, or healthy, or skinny- I would always be overweight. I realized that that was an awful, ugly, hateful thing to say to myself, and that if I would never say it to a friend, or to my children, then I certainly shouldn't say it to myself. So I joined the challenge. And I won it.
ReplyDeleteLong story short, things have changed a lot since then, and now I can shut that bitch up by dragging her ass out for a 10 mile run. Yeah, she's still here- she's changed her tune a little, but can still be hateful and awful. But I know I'm stronger than her.
SO, you can do this! I don't know much about the road you are travelling, but I can tell you're determined to stick with it. My thoughts will be with you tomorrow. :)
You are so awesome- I can't wait for that inner voice to shut the fuck up! You can and you will - it's not an easy way, but I know you are strong enough to do this! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI'll think of you tomorrow. And we'll have a drink soon to celebrate your success ... and to shut the bitch up! :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm thrilled for you!
ReplyDeleteTell that BITCH that she has a thing or two to learn about who you are!!!!!
;-)
And soon she'll be a pussy cat.
Slap that inner bitch to sleep :-)
ReplyDeleteYou've so got this!! I'll be praying for you tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today J!! Let me know if you need anything after sx. Thanks for sharing your story. You are a brave, intelligent and wonderful person that I'm sure will rise to any challenge you put in front of you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, J - hugs - so excited for you!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
ReplyDelete